Why I Can't Be an Agnostic

You can't put life on hold.

In his twenties, Julian Barnes was a confirmed atheist. By the time he had reached his 60’s, he had converted. Not to belief in God, but to agnosticism. He explains the shift this way:

“If I called myself an atheist at twenty, and an agnostic at fifty and sixty, it isn’t because I have acquired more knowledge in the meantime: just more awareness of ignorance” (Nothing to Be Frightened Of, 22).

That is to say, Barnes perceives among atheists a feeling of certainty that cannot be justified rationally. People of faith may not be able to prove the existence of God, but neither can atheists convincingly demonstrate that there is no God. So, Barnes acknowledges his ignorance and opts to remain agnostic about the existence of God. He withholds judgment because there is no adequate evidence one way or the other.

Photo by Kid Circus on Unsplash

Nevertheless, ignorance is not bliss for Barnes. He tells us so in the opening words of his book: “I don’t believe in God, but I miss Him.” He admires, and even envies, the sense of meaning and purpose expressed in Christian works of art and architecture. But without rational evidence, Barnes cannot bring himself to accept the beliefs that impart to Christians the full-hearted life that he longs to experience.

When I read Barnes’ words, I was reminded of the dilemma that some of Jesus’ disciples faced. Inspired by Christ’s charisma and amazed by his miracles, these disciples had followed him all through the countryside. But eventually, his teaching went a step—or several steps—too far for them. Here’s what Jesus said:

“Those who eat my flesh and drink my blood abide in me, and I in them. Just as the living Father sent me, and I live because of the Father, so whoever eats me will live because of me. This is the bread that came down from heaven, not like that which your ancestors ate, and they died. But the one who eats this bread will live forever.” (John 6:56-59)

Eat his flesh and drink his blood? Eat him as the Bread of Heaven? These disciples were not simplistic. They did not hear Jesus urging them to become cannibals. Instead, they recognized that he was inviting them to be radically dependent upon him for a kind of life that no human being could provide for themselves.  

These disciples were drawn to Jesus, to the kind of life he offers, but they couldn’t bring themselves to take the leap that such a life requires. “This teaching is difficult; who can accept it?” (John 6:60) If, like Barnes, these disciples are wrestling with belief in Jesus, then we’re talking about more than intellectually weighing the plausibility of some religious ideas.

Photo by Tingey Injury Law Firm on Unsplash

Rather, belief is an existential commitment. That’s why I cannot be an agnostic. To explain why I say this, I need to say a bit about what we mean when we use the word belief.

For some people, to believe is to assert that an idea in your mind accurately reflects a reality beyond the mind. On that view, rational people withhold belief until they get evidence that their ideas do indeed match the world. For instance, they may believe that the cat is on the mat once they see it for themselves, view a video, or hear reliable reports from trustworthy witnesses. Until they get that evidence, they assume that they lose nothing by refusing to say that the cat is on the mat or not.

If that’s how you happen to think about believing, God is the celestial cat on the heavenly mat. To conclude that God really exists, is really out there somewhere, you will insist on some evidence. On the other hand, as Barnes indicates, to insist that there is no God requires evidence as well. Since neither believers nor atheists can offer solid proof, you lose nothing by refusing to decide one way or the other. By being an agnostic.

Except, Barnes tells us that he is losing something. Missing something, actually. He misses God.  By that I understand him to be saying that his spiritual posture impacts his lived experience. It makes a difference in the life he actually lives. And that leads me to reason why I cannot be an agnostic. And why I am convinced that, in matters of what the theologian Paul Tillich called ultimate concern, I am not alone.

Photo by Åaker on Unsplash

To show you what I mean, I’ll be drawing on the philosophical movement called pragmatism. Generally speaking, pragmatists urge us to think of our ideas as hypotheses, as proposals about how we might act in the world. In other words, ideas are not merely images that might or might not resemble the outside world.

Now consider what belief means for a pragmatist. To believe is to act on a hypothesis. We reject a hypothesis when we don’t act on it. You see, believing is not asserting intellectually that the images in your mind correspond to the reality outside of your head. Believing is acting on a hypothesis.

Following the pragmatists’ point of view, we can say that every action embodies a belief of some kind or another. A belief about the kind of self we yearn to be, the kind of community we strive to form, and the kind of world we hope to inhabit. There is no putting our lives on hold. At each moment, we must act. Refusing to act on one hypothesis is, in fact, the choice to act on an alternative one.

And that’s why I cannot be an agnostic. At each moment, my actions express or fail to express the hypothesis that the power of love is at work. In and through me. I will forgive, seek reconciliation, feed the hungry, clothe the naked, and shelter the unhoused. Or I won’t. My actions will embody the belief that divine love can and will restore this shattered world. Or my actions won’t.

Ask Me Almost Anything

I love hearing from you in comments, Notes, and email. So, I’ve decided to try something new: responding to questions directly from you.

Send me your questions via email by clicking this link:

Some of my responses will come in the Wednesday podcast and some in Notes. I’ll answer as many of the questions as I can, and I will spread the responses out over time. For urgent pastoral matters, please contact a local clergy person or another local spiritual friend. If you would like anonymity, please provide an alias.

Getting to Know You Better

I love getting to know you all better, so I’m delighted that many of you feel free to leave comments and to send emails. Please keep those coming.

Also, it would be a huge help if you would take a minute or two to answer this very brief survey.

A Full-Hearted Life

Thanks to so many of you who have preordered A Full-Hearted Life and told your friends to look for it. If you would like to learn more about it or preorder, click the image below: