Scattering Flowers

A full-hearted life—a love-shaped life—is like scattering flowers with each small step along the way.

Sometimes I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything. Or more accurately, what I’ve done in my ministry or with my life isn’t worth much. That’s when I have dreams like the one I had recently:

On a sidewalk of a busy urban intersection, I found myself sitting on a toilet. Pants around my ankles. People were passing by, apparently taking no notice of me. Ashamed and embarrassed, I still couldn’t pull up my pants and walk away.

As soon as I woke up, the dream’s meaning hit me. What I was doing with my life—and especially in my episcopate and with my writing and with my upcoming book—was all just, well, crap. At best, maybe no one will notice.

I am especially susceptible to feeling this way when I’m working too many hours, juggling too many commitments, and sleeping too few hours. And, yes, that’s been me for a few weeks. I’m running too fast on my existential treadmill. But the point is not that I should slow down (though I will). Rather, the deep spiritual issue lies with why I start pus…