Wearing my bishop’s purple clerical shirt, collar, and pectoral cross, I was ordering lunch at a Southern big-city restaurant with my friend S-. No tables were available, so we sat at the bar. When our twenty-something server asked for our drink order, I asked for sweet tea.
Tongue in cheek, I added, “I’m not sure Jesus will love you if you don’t have sweet tea.” Without missing a beat, she smiled warmly and said, “Well, I’m an atheist, so that really doesn’t matter to me. But we do have sweet tea.”
I immediately liked this woman. More for her response than for the sweet tea. And she seemed to enjoy the brief exchanges with S- and me each time she stopped by to check in with us. If time had allowed for a serious conversation, I might have said something like this: “You know, sometimes I’m an atheist, too. But it’s unintentional.” Over the years, I’ve recognized that I’m not alone in this. Let me explain.
I don’t deny that God exists. Many people assume that rejecting the idea of God is all that atheism is. Atheists say that God is a make-believe being like unicorns and faeries. There is no God out there. God is a figment of the human imagination. And if this were all that atheism amounted to, I wouldn’t call myself an unintentional atheist.
But believing in Jesus is much more than placing God on the existing-being list along with stars and alligators and Dachshunds. That’s because of what believing actually is. It’s more than giving our intellectual assent to a concept. Believing is how we live and move and have our being each and every day right where we live. Our actions are our beliefs in the flesh. What we do is, in the end, what we believe. And sometimes what I do is not especially Jesus-y. I slip into atheism.
Following Jesus means to navigate our way through life with the Spirit of love, because we know ourselves to be loved beyond reason. As the First Letter of John says, “We know love by this, that he laid down his life for us—and we ought to lay down our lives for one another.” (1 John 3:16)
Putting that in a slightly different way, following Christ means to walk the way of love. The way that Jesus embodied, exemplified, and inspires. The way of love is a way of intentional response to the risen Christ who walks along with us as the Good Shepherd. Through thick and thin. In moments mundane and exhilarating. “The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. The hired hand, who is not the shepherd and does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and runs away.” (John 10:11-12)
Jesus taught us that we are God’s beloved children. He wouldn’t have had to tell us this if it were obvious. The world kicks plenty of us around, tosses us aside, and treats us like something on the bottom of somebody else’s shoe. People go hungry, go homeless. Get fired and get abused. People languish in jail and know cruelty at the hands of those who should nurture and protect them. We all face challenges and disappointments and wrenching heartaches. Moreover, there seems to always be those who are intent on establishing once and for all that they are the winners and the majority of us are just losers.
The Way of Jesus is a radical alternative. We are God’s beloved, and so is everyone and everything we encounter. However bruised and battered and disfigured by circumstances they may be. Each step we take is response, response to the love we’ve been given as gift. Pure, unearned, unachieved, unconditional love.
We love because we are being loved by the Shepherd who walks along with us. We feed the hungry, mend the wounded, comfort the suffering. But we don’t stop there. We ask a clarifying question. In a world of abundance why is anyone hungry? Why is there so much needless suffering? The Creator did not have such a world in mind. And so love moves us to realign the world with God’s dream.
And this is where I slip into my own version of the available atheisms. I don’t reject creeds or scoff at Scripture or argue with theologians. I slip into cynicism. I grow discouraged. My heart sinks when I read in the media of one more political outrage, one more hate-fueled attack, one more economic measure aimed at privileging the few at the expense of the many. I stumble.
I forget, mostly only momentarily, that love is calling me to courage, boldness, and perseverance. That God is acting. That what seems impossible is not impossible. And that the Holy One has done and will do the impossible through frail and fragile hands like ours. My occasional lapse into atheism is not intentional. I get weary and stumble and fall on the way. But I’m not alone. I am part of a flock with a Good Shepherd. Friends help me to stand again, to dust myself off, and to take the next step. Following Jesus is always about just taking the next step. No matter what. And Jesus never gives up on us.
I liked your explanation in regard to atheism. I remember hearing a member of the clergy saying something like this: "I've never understood atheists saying there is no God. God does not exist. But, if you know that HE doesn't exist, why is it so important to disprove His existence? You must believe there is a possibility that HE does." I know this reflection's focus is not "atheism" per se; however, I find myself saying "I, too, can be an "unintentional atheist". Oh my! How would I ever explain that to my friends and family?! Oh, right, that's why I have my earthly "Good Shepherd"...YOU. As always, thank you for letting me know..."It's ok. God understands you. HE loves you."
Well-timed and thoughtful, as always. "In a world of abundance why is anyone hungry? Why is there so much needless suffering? The Creator did not have such a world in mind." This is where I find myself questioning and stumbling. Asking the whys. If the world is so misaligned with His vision, why does God not simply make it so?